The Myth of Control: A Midlife Sojourn Into Surrender

Friday, 13 February 2026

I spent the first decades of my adult life under a very convincing illusion: the idea that if I just gripped the steering wheel tight enough, I could dictate the direction of my life. I believed that adulthood was synonymous with being in control. But lately, as I navigate this midlife season and the unexpected challenges that have recently come with it, that illusion hasn’t just cracked, it’s been completely shattered.

There’s a unique kind of vulnerability that hits you in midlife. It’s the realisation that despite your best laid plans, life has a way of going its own way. Whether it’s health shifts, family transitions, or the storms we never saw coming, the message is the same: all that carefully cultivated control we thought we had was always a myth.

Initially, the thought of not being in control made me anxious. But lately, I’ve been exploring a different way of thinking about it: surrender.

For a long time I misunderstood surrender as giving up – a white flag of defeat. But I’m learning that surrendering to God is one of the most courageous things I can do. It’s the intentional choice to stop worrying and white-knuckling the ups and downs, and place it into the hands of the One who created it all.

And while I’m still mulling over the notion of surrender and what that looks like, I’m starting to think that there’s ultimately a beautiful freedom in accepting that we’re not actually the architects of our lives.

There’s an incredible lightness in admitting, Lord, I can’t manage this on my own. It’s the end of the pretence that I’ve “got it together”, that I’m “girl boss-ing” my way through it all. In dropping the burden, as well as the myth, of being in charge of it all, I’ve finally opened my heart to the peace that comes in letting go.

Placing your trust in Him isn’t a last resort for when things go wrong, and it’s not a cop out; it’s a way of living that acknowledges the reality of our human limits. It’s realising that, while I’m a sojourner in a world I can’t control, I’m travelling under the care of a God who knows every detour.

The challenges haven’t all disappeared, and the path ahead isn’t suddenly perfect. Far from it. But the internal static has quieted. I’m finding that the less I try to control the outcome, the more I’m able to enjoy each moment.

The stranglehold of control is a heavy weight to carry. Today, I’m choosing to let it go. Not because I’ve lost the battle, but because I’ve finally realised that the battle was never mine to win or lose in the first place.